Explore the Days, as I unravel my mind with the hope that we can come together over our experiences.
Day 1
Hey, This is a blog about my experiences with BiPolar disorder. At times, it (my blog) is intentionally disorientating. I want to reflect in my writing the nature of the disorder I experience. The natural order that causes me to get to a point, a moment, where I reorder. I have chosen before to reorientate, and will time, and time again. But it wasn’t always a choice. At times, I was guided. Day 1. There is disorienting and reorienting. I’ve done both. This blog is going to be about my experiences as an identifying – man, with bipolar. I could…
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Day 2
Disorder: a state of confusion. Order: the arrangement or disposition of people or things in relation to each other according to a particular sequence, pattern, or method. I argue the disorder is only confusing to a limit. The way my brain works, i guess, is I get in a state of disorder, so that I can put the pieces back together. A puzzle metaphor for life. Each time I put the puzzle back together, i learn something new. I always see the same picture at the end though. It’s beautiful, because it’s me. It is not always confusing to be…
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Day 3
Let’s take some time to think about those without homes. I am passionate about helping people without homes, even if it’s a little bit of help. The reason is, I wasn’t far from being on the street, very confused: disordered. I can’t thank enough every single person, and doggo, in my support group who helped me navigate those wavy waters. My plea is this, for those who have loved ones in a state of lacking ability, do everything you can to help them. Nothing more. I see them in all mental states. They are in the parks with tents. They…
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Day 4
I just wonder. I wonder if this idea I’m about to tell you became a reality, what would happen to the collective pulse, the collective heart, that we all share under our sun, and the stars, and the dark void. Imagine everyone around the world, wherever you may be, participating in one event. It would happen where you stand at nine pm, December 31st, bringing in the new year with one message: reverence to those lost in the undertow of society’s order, and reverence to those currently being dragged under. The tone will be led by great orators and social…
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Day 5
Relationships. Loved ones doing research on bipolar. I think it’s actually an advantage, because there is some baseline, although not always entirely accurate, that they can go on. Believe this, not everything you read, or find on video, is true for every person that explanation speaks of. Disorders are unique to the individual, but if they share a certain amount of common traits, they are catagorized under a blanket label. According to http://www.nimh.nih.gov, the Nation Institute of mental health, Bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression) is a mental disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity…
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Day 6
Day 6. Today I want to talk about some of my back story, but because of a short average retention rate on YouTube, I am going to dive into my affirmations. Quick background, I went to a mental health program on my own accord for the first time last year in 2019. I learned a lot, but one thing that stuck out was that they encouraged us to write down at least twenty affirmations by the end of the four weeks, in order to say them every morning. These are those: I am smart.I am worthy.I am a good worker.I…
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Day 7
Okay, this one is hard. Trigger warning: the topic is self hate. Such a strong emotion, and towards the person that matters most, oneself. How does it happen? How to get rid of it? Is there any reason why? The answer to that last question is definitely not. I have been to a mind space that was a place shrouded in gloom. I didn’t know how to get out, and I didn’t think I was worth it. I made a list. A list of people I would leave messages for, after. How did I get rid of it? I thought…
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Day 8
“In the end, the wicked do not profit from good fortune and the righteous do not suffer without compensation.” – Apocrypha Now. Apocrypha Now is a summation of some of the texts from the Apocrypha, or the parts of the bible that were not canonical, or bound in the book we know today as the bible. One of the summations was about Prophets and Elijah was one of them. He was explaining what the Torah meant. To me though, in the last video, I left out, “In the end,” which is a pivotal statement. I think the end depends on…
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Day 9
Years ago I was on my own in my mind alone couldn’t find a home even though I had one a sad song I was mad wrong but Im glad Im better for it diagnoses don’t ignore it bipolar don’t abhor it, its my savior now I got medicine different flavors mood stabilizers the liars will tell that its stigmatizes but surprise it helps center the third eye when consistency applies stifle nothing but the psychotic rides hypnotic tides ripping you away from the prize of life. Now lets talk about therapy psychiatry its medicine psychotherapy let us in to…
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Day 10
Thank you Tabi, for letting me share your work! Below is a piece written by my wife. Do you think loneliness can ever feel less sticky? I know this seems to be a rather odd question but to me being lonely feels like stepping in gum. Once it is on your damn shoe all you can do is freeze it and then pry it off. That and it seems to always leave some sticky residue in your head and then collects dirt and other terrible things the next time you decide to wear it. Loneliness is also rather sneaky, you…
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Day 11
AWAKEN! Awaken my friend, Another day begins. Another day to think about your sins. Personal judgements. Suspend them now, Lets change up how, We talk to god, I i we nod Let my friend come in, please? They’ve been running, Hiding, fighting, lying, dying… We’d all fit in. All judgements, For gone. We on One love. Our breathe, If feels so good, It feels like death Of ego. We’re going Down. Could you hurry up? Eyes blurry. What, Do you know now? Will you hold out? They need a place to rest for heaven’s sake. I know there’s space. We…
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Day 12
Making a home. To me, the meaning is in ‘making.’ It is an action. There is another part to that as well, but not explicit. It is baked into another well known saying, Home is where the heart is. Yes, my heart is in my chest, so my body is my home. My heart extends to the outside world as well. My heart is with my wife. Consequently, both of our hearts and bodies dwell in the same shell made of wood and glass and love. That is why I am sticking to the location of my house to bake…
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Day 13
Organization. What is it? To those creatures who were molded by chaos, it might feel like the devil, while others feel like organization is their savior. Organization is done by all. We could go down to the core of it and say that the hierarchy of needs is one way the mind organizes. Water, food, shelter, protection. It may seem basic, but we can see those things as four corners to the metaphorical room that is our person. In this example we are organizing how to stay alive. But there is more to life than staying alive, and how can…
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Day 14
Gratitude is something that can be practiced no matter the situation I am in. As long as there is breath in my lungs, there is something to be grateful for. I am working on a memoirette called Through the Pane and it is chronicling my life and the pain I experience. I know what it feels like to be in pain. I know what it feels like to think I will never be free of painful sensations. In those moments it is the hardest to be grateful, but also the most important of times to practice gratitude. You might say,…
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Day 15
I do not know about you, but sometimes life works out in a way that leads me to think, I didn’t ask for this. It is a small thought, and can be valid at times. We all deal with life events we did not ask for, but some of us have this moment of pause. It is a pause that gets filled with a seeming self righteous removal from blame. And there very well could be a moment I truly had no say in the outcome which I am now dealing with. My turning thought is, sure, maybe I am…
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